What To Do When Grief Takes Over

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By Avelon B McNae

What To Do When Grief Takes OverAt my offices in Colorado Springs and Durango, Colorado I help individuals and families with Grief Coaching & Grief Counseling or Bereavement Counseling.

One of the most difficult experiences in life that any of us will ever face is the loss of someone we love. Losses of this nature come through some form of separation either through death, divorce, or an ending of a relationship with an attachment figure in our lives, such as an intimate relationship or friendship that doesn’t work out over time. Sometimes unfortunately, a string of losses in a relatively short period of time can be especially devastating. It seems you are barely beginning to manage the first loss when another loss comes along adding more pain to manage. Your circumstances and general well-being in life will also have an impact on how you manage your grieving process.

What To Do When Grief Takes Over

There are some ways though to make your loss easier to bear, to ease the pain and facilitate your healing in gentler ways. In my private practice, I use EMDR, EFT and Clinical Hypnotherapy to facilitate the healing of grief. These forms of Grief Therapy work with the traumatic impact felt in the mind, body, spirit and soul during times of loss and grieving and help to reduce and process the pain in more efficient ways.

In times of loss the process of grieving is a natural occurence, though some may want to pathologize it. One cannot expect to lose someone loved without pain. Luke 1:78-79 tells us of God’s provision for us in times of our sorrow, “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light of heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness in the shadow of death and to guide us to the path of peace.” As we learn to sit with God in times of emotional darkness, we have the promise of His tender mercy surrounding us. As we come to God and feel His presence, He stills the pain moments at a time as we heal. The path of healing can be a long process.

Perhaps you have well-meaning friends or family who tell you to “Get over it” or “Get on with your life.” Sometimes people are uncomfortable with your pain because it doesn’t belong to them and they are powerless to make it go away. Ultimately, you also want it to go away. One cannot grieve a loss without feeling pain though. Grief Counseling can help you process your very tender and vulnerable feelings during your time of loss and grief.

There are predicatable stages of grief when a loss occurs. Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Many have heard of these stages through the work of Helen Kubler-Ross. These stages though are not clearly defined by time periods or a schedule of when they will happen. Rather, each stage occurs moment by moment and there is no steady progression through them with one reaching completion and leading to the next one. Instead, we vascillate between them moment by moment and day by day feeling the loss in various ways through shorter or longer periods of denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptace of the loss. Each person has a unique way of grieving the pain of their loss. Yet, there are strong similarities between individuals who are grieving.

When loss occurs there may be feelings of guilt involved. Looking back at your interactions with your loved ones in the past you may notice that you feel regret about things you did or said. This regret or guilt is also a natural part of grieving and indeed is universal in most losses of loved ones. Especially if you are the initiator of the loss, such as the ending of an intimate relationship or marriage. Regardless of who ends an intimate relationship or marriage there will be loss and pain involved.

If you are feeling a need for compassionate, professional expertise to help you through this very painful time in your life, please call me at 970-422-6102 for a 15 minute complimentary consultation to discuss your needs and how I can help you heal your pain with Grief Counseling.

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