As I’ve worked with couples over the past 25 years in Marriage Counseling & Marriage Coaching one of the most painful wounds I’ve helped couples heal is infidelity. Make no mistake about it this healing is hard work!
When couples encounter an affair in their marriage or relationship it’s devastating to the one who feels betrayed by the affair. The hurt cuts so deeply that many will leave their partner immediately and end the relationship or marriage. For some though, leaving isn’t the solution they want and they come to me for help to deal with the aftermath of the betrayal.
Recovering from infidelity takes a long time – usually 2-3 years once the affair or sex addiction is exposed and stopped. During this period of time there is great work to be done on the marriage or relationship to help it survive if the couple is to remain together. What was broken before the affair is still broken and additionally, now there is even greater pain in the marriage because of the betrayal of the affair.
As I work with couples who struggle to save their marriage post affair there are certain healing tasks that each partner must go through to make it to the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. One of the most important is for each partner to take a deeper look at how they contributed to the breakdown in their relationship prior to the beginning of the affair.
This healing task typically proves difficult for the partner who feels betrayed because he or she is so wounded and feels victimized and betrayed by their partner. However, this healing task is crucial because it provides great insight, personal responsibility for one’s own part in the breakdown of the relationship, and allows changes to occur in this partner’s behavior to help heal the other partner’s wounding that led to the affair. Forgiveness is a necessary part of the healing process and impossible to get to without the injured partner coming to terms with his or her part in the breakdown of the marriage.
The unraveling of each partner’s painful contribution is a long and tedious task to bring into the open issues such as control, poor communication skills, emotional or physical abuse, developmental issues, attachment styles, unconscious patterns carried over from childhood, addictions, dishonesty and deception.
Couples who are able to save their marriages or relationships with my help do so with a great deal of courage and inner strength. Repairs are accomplished, trust is gradually rebuilt, emotional and sexual intimacy is restored and the couple’s relationship is stronger, healthier and more loving than ever.
If you and your partner are suffering from the betrayal of an affair, I would like to offer both of you an opportunity to heal yourselves and each other. Call me today at 970-422-6102 for a Complimentary 15 Minute Phone Consultation to discuss how I can help you to heal and rebuild your relationship!